So, one of my closest buddies is going through some extremely tough times.
[[ Apparently I'm the master of reading people's emotion? Because no one else noticed..? Or at least they didn't say anything.. As far as I know anyway. It's like I have the worst curse imaginable... ]]
And she isn't telling anyone. She is the closest thing to a best friend I've ever had, and I really don't want to lose her. I feel like if I ask her, it's like.. Invading her personal space. Like what if I've overestimated our friendship and she leaves me.
And the weirdest thing is she is always telling everyone that they need to tell others their problems; but she doesn't tell anyone her own.
I guess I'm really worried for her.
I don't know what to do.
As said above, I feel cursed. I can always tell what people are feeling, even if they hide it. I can legitly see people's emotions. I know it sounds crazy, but when I see them, I can see the emotion surrounding them. And if they are really good at hiding it, I can see it in their eyes.
But it's a curse because more than half of the time, I don't say anything, and the other half I do, and they don't tell me.
Maybe because I can read other people's emotions, others can't read mine? I've been told by everyone they can't read my emotions. I guess that's why when I tell people to leave me alone, I want them to stay. I guess I shouldn't be as disappointed anymore. One person did stay though..
And I wish that person was still here.
I remember how happy and shocked I felt at the same time, that I actually started crying because of it. When I started crying though, everyone surrounded me and asked what was wrong.
It wasn't the same though, as it was when Morgan sat by me. I guess I'm still looking for that one person. Someone who can make me feel that secure. That one person who understands how I feel; the tsundere part of me, that I've hidden for so long. The shy part that is inside me, but I try to hide it; and is successful. If you actually knew these things about me, then congrats. You either have 'the curse' or you know me really well.
Here's a few other things:
- I'm always sad; but I try to be happy because other's happiness is more important to me.
- I used to think I was the most selfish person ever. [ Kayden and Tiffany are probably the only people who know why ] But I found out from those two that there are people worse.
- I always see the best of people, and it's hard for me to not see the bad things, unless they have wronged me.
- I read so much and write so much so I can get lost in another world, and forget problems; even if it is only for 30 minutes.
- I'm actually a very quiet person. But my friends make me more social. If you've ever met me when I was alone; you'd probably think I was quiet; and hardly ever talked.
I don't think you need to worry about losing me or over estimating outr friendship, because as far as I know you've made my entire life a better place to be in. When I moved out of my dads, I had lost contact with all my friends and never came out of the turtle shell I had created for myself.
ReplyDeleteI'd come home, practice, do home work, sleep and repeat. It was killing me. I felt so alone. But slowly I reached out a gentil hand to Nej to Jenna to you and Cory.
And it still is happening! Did you nitice I talk a lot more to Ali now? I think she is amazing and full of great heart but is too shy to let it out.
Ive always been more for helping others than myself. Letting out all my feelings is one thing, but trusting people with them is another and that's why I keep to myself.
But to wrap this up, I don't want to keep to myself anymore. That's why, why Ive been so frustrated, why I couldnt make eye contact. You and Nej are the best things that have happend to me.
You can tell me anything, Ive heard it all. Trust me with apsolutly every bit of you because I only want to become closer.