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GDI WTD is all this shitty old posts I have

1-15-13

I would've done the title in French but I remembered that it was different.

Wouldn't it be like.

Le quinze janvier deux-mille quatorze ?

Though it will be the sixteenth when I upload this.

Going to do a blogpost. Pourquoi? Because I want to. And oui, I'll probably be using French words here and there to help me in my French studies.. And because no one actually reads the shit I call a blog but ya know. Fuck yeah.

So, the second nine weeks is almost over, and I nearly have all A's. FUCCXXK YEAH.

there isn't much to say about my school life. Except my lunch moved from 5th period (around 10:30) to 7th period (around 12) so I'm really hungry around 5th and 6th period.

I've also been having ENORMOUS amounts of inspiration to write and draw- perhaps I can get a few chapters out this month of my other blog.. That also, no one reads. Oh well.

I have started to watch SNK, and I have finished KNK. It was beautiful.

I'm going to try to read The Perks of Being A Wallflower soon, along with Finding Alaska.

end normal life

---

begin hidden life

I'm so terrified right now. Addy is in the hospital. Ma amie, I'm so scared for you. Cher, everyone is telling me not to worry.. I can't stop worrying. A few days ago someone called your name at school. I looked up, thinking that you'd be there, but you weren't. It probably sounds stupid but... I got really upset about it.

I'm scared for French Two. I'm already having a hard time in French One, but next year the teacher is bad. Like. She doesn't teach. I'll probably fail.

My mom is freaking out about how I have a "bad grade" in HA2 (Honors Algebra 2.. Normally a sophmore-junior class.)

Luckily, I had my breakdown on Wednesday. I'm feeling okay. I've been "clean" for almost a month now. That's good.

My friend used to say:

They'll look at your wrists, but not your waist.

When in reality..

They'll look at you, but not look closely.

They'll listen to you, but not understand.

I was going to try to create some.. Riddle like blog entry.. But I'm too tired. Too terribly exhausted.

Everyone says that I should just get over things. I let one person ruin my day. I'm overreacting and I know it. I don't need them proving it for me..

Damnit, Addy..

What do I do?

P.S: Dear diary, I met a boy. He made my dull heart, light up with joy. Oh, dear diary! We fell apart!

P.P.S: Not really.

P.P.P.S: FS is boring without you.

P.P.P.P.S: I miss you. If you couldn't tell.

P.P.P.P.P.S: I bet if anyone reads this they'll be like omg what a dumb blg post- all she does is tlk bout sum chik named addy. LOL.

12-10-13

aujourd'hui c'est le neuf décembre deux mille treize

Today is December 9th, 2013.

/begin rant

So ever since October-ish, my neighborhood switched busses from the calm and quiet 16, to the ratchet and loud 63. Bus 16 ran a short route, a reasonable one. We picked up many, but it was people around where we live. Bus 63 drives all the fucking way to a different fucking school district. No. That's not okay.

Today was a normal day. My mother was angry at me, so I went to take the bus. I leave at 6:25 in my winter coat. I walk to the bus stop, which is thankfully rather close to my house. I wait for 5 minutes and someone shows up. It's getting close to 6:40, and no bus. We bitch and complain a bit more, by this time out numbers doubling so we had four people. At 6:43 the bus driver comes. We happily shove each other out of the way for the warmth of the bus. Which feels like heaven. At first.

So we pull out and we look at the main road. 256. It's like rush hour. Why do they even call it that? NO ONE IS RUSHING. EVERYONE IS GOING .00000001 nanometers an hour! So me and my neighbors are just sitting here. At 7:05 we are normally at school. At 7:05 we are 5 minutes away from our stop. Did I mention we have to drive to a different school district area? Yeah, our route is stupid.

We drive all the fucking way there. It takes two fucking hours. The heat goes out halfway there. Two fucking hours in, we haven't even gotten to the first stop. I was so bored. So. Bored. I even started texting my mom.

So we get to the stop and one guy gets on. So we get to the next stop and a few more people get on. Suddenly we stop. We are suddenly accepting Jr High students on our bus now because the Jr High busses are late.No! We were here first assholes!

But anyway we go back to get them Jr high kids. So we finally head back to school. We are all sitting 3 to a seat and 90% of the people on here are stereotypical ratchet black people. They are all wearing this nasty shit ass perfume /cologne and are all loud. Someone tried to start a fight with a girl sitting with me. Gooood.

I got to Bio class and everyone looked at me like: Where have you been? I thought you were skipping school!

OH YES I WAS JUST HAVING A GRAND OL TIME!!

P.S: while all this was happening, a school district 10 minutes away from us closed

So yeah. That's why I wasn't in a good mood.

We also had an orchestra concert today, and we rocked it. But of course jazz band took our show. Everyone loves band and not the orchestra or choir. Who can blame them. Band people have "everything" and are "better than everyone else, especially the orchestra" the "trumpets are the best instrument and require the most effort". 

I will burn all your instruments and burn them in hell. They will soon be met with your bodies. See you then.

Last minute, my teacher decided they should shove the chamber out to play. So me and my partner awkwardly find our way down. Everyone looks at us in a very confused manner as the 9 chamber members go down to play. While we are playing, a wave of anxiety hits me and my knees are shaking just like old times. Parents of the band, choir (symphonic and woman's), chorale and the huge orchestra itself. Watching. Me. I used to be able to shake it off. Why would they watch me? But I felt so vulnerable. Sigh. So, after we play, we calmly walk out of the room, leaving the auditorium. My teacher tells us the orchestra is playing next so all of a sudden everyone is sprinting in their heels. Me and my partner have to go around the huge curtain in the back, our heels slamming against the theatre floor. We basically shove everyone's stand aside cause our teacher put us in the front.

And that's my day.

Important Dates To Remember:

- 12-11-13: ITK PRACTICE

- 12-12-13: ITK COMPETITION

- 12-13-13: CHAMBER PRACRICE

- 12-14-13: ITK TOURNAMENT

- 12-20-13: Blaegan's Anniversary.. Also chamber performance and start of winter break. Also the day addy leaves.

- 12-25-13: Christmas

- 12-29-13: Anna's Birthday

12/2/13

This past week hasn't been doing myself justice; I can say that now. But I've been getting by, and I'm happy to say that (meanwhile typing this: omf an episode of meganebu comes out today!! Shit I have to type) with two good friends, many, many teen romance books on wattpad written by amazing authors, and a very gruesome book, I've been getting by!

It's nothing new to me that high school, for the most part, is going well. If you're a dedicated reader, you would know that even on the day before school, the only thing I was worried about was my locked not opening. For the record- it opened first try. I've met so many amazing people this year, due to my extreme involvement- I suppose- in a lot of activities.

In 7th grade I did summer gym (just for the Creds) and met a LOT of high schoolers. But I became close to Scarlet and Maggie the most. Turns out Scarlet is the president of the one and only Anime Club! (good for her, she deserves it!)

Another one of the Anime Club members, Selena, I met through In The Know. I also met Hillary, Selene, Mica and Maya (who I will probably be very upset about when they graduate this year.. But good luck! <3). 

In The Know is the best club I could ask for. I really like the people there, and we are really just a group of "nerds" who know a lot of things about random things.. (tHEREEEES HYDROGEN AND HELIUM, THEN LITHIUM BERYLLIUM, BORON CARBON EVERYWHERE NITROGEN ALL IN THE AIR AND OXYGEN SO U CAN BREATHE -coughs- Nevermind.) And I couldn't ask for better club advisors. Honestly. jUST LIKE A HOURGLASS, THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES! (Soaps have finally become useful!!)

Orchestra. A group of.. Ffs. At least 30 people. Maximum around 60. We have mostly all been together since the 6th grade, though there are those seniors and juniors who we never have really met. I really do like Orchestra, it's fun to talk to everyone there. Well, most of the people. (Viola swag represent!) Ugh but when the band people freaking. Take over the room. iTS SO FUNNY TO WATCH THE TEACHER YELL AT THEM TO LEAVE. oh you band fuckers never learn. I mean I have my friends that are in the band, but some inSTRUMENTS OMF.

The percussion guy that plays with the orchestra sometimes is hot. But his attitude is shit XDD.

Chamber. A group of 8-10 individuals who are dedicated and/or auditioned and past musicians within orchestra. I'm so glad to see that I'm neither the only freshman or the only viola! The only viola- a senior I believe named Heather is a rather strong player and it's an honor being with her. :) Everyone has that certain flair they add to the group!

I've been avoiding drama well this year so far. eXCEPT JENNA AND ANAND ALWAYS KISS IN FRONT OF ME FOR FUCKS SAKE! sTOP! Waaaaah!

But for reaaaal. Maegan hates drama. Ffs. Last year was awful.

There's this girl who is friends with another one of my friends- definitely one of my closest friends. Will call the first girl FU and the other girl, who is my friend, LU.

So. LU and FU were bff's looooong before I talked to LU. And suddenly around this fall, FU came up to me and was like "F U! (Hahahahah) You stole my best friend from me! She was the only person I cared about except for my boyfriend and a few others! ( yeah that makes sense!)" annnnyway, she basically went on and on and on about how I'm rude, careless and similar stuff. She really makes me angry. And depressed, but I try not to think about it. If she is trying to get me down, then that means I'm above her.

We had a fight this weekend, FU And I. I didn't reply to one of her messages and she blew up. Became absolutely insane. I figured FU already told LU about it, and considering I always think they are really close, I didn't say anything. LU and I talked shortly after though, and she understood what I said, and more importantly believed me. I'm blessed for every friend I have.

However, on a sad note, one of my friends named Maddi, left a rather strange message about leaving. I thought the worst of course, but I'm trying to push that out of my mind.

I guess an important way to sign this off is that I love my friends. Every singular one of them.

I love you, Anna and Dan.

I don't know what I could do without both of you, considering both of you have helped me so much.

Anna, we will turn you into that brave girl. I know we can. You're beautiful, and I want you to know that c:

Dan, happy early anniversary c; 

Signing off,

Holli c:

The Reasoning of Humans

When some receive compliments they smile and give their thanks, but others reply with modest and haste.

"Why would they compliment I, if clearly thy am not worthy of praise?"

Why is it that our minds don't respond well with compliments, we deny them, say it isn't true.

Some call it modesty, but I, you ask?

I call it self doubt. Lack of self confidence.

But when another points out our flaws, we are deeply scarred.

But why I ask, if one is so much more positive than the other?

Isn't it better to be positive, to be optimistic and look at the world with a smiling face?

Yes! Of course! But it's also harder.

Why would we try hard to believe that something is good about ourselves when instead we can agree with the dark voices in our head?

Why is it that when a close friend compliments you it has a weaker effect on you then a stranger critiquing you?

Is it because you think your friend is lying? But your friend wouldn't lie! Is it because you are self-doubting yourself?

You don't think your pretty, but your friend does. This other person says you aren't pretty. And you break down because you think this person is right. But your friend said you were pretty.

Your friend knows you better than that stranger. He or she has been with you so much longer. Knows so much more.

So why can't we, as humans listen to these compliments, be them from close friends or strangers?

I think it has to do with the voices in our head, the monsters under our beds. Our self doubt lurking behind us.

"How could I, a corrupted soul possibly be a good friend, a star athlete, a smart student or beautiful?"

How could you? By believing in yourself and those compliments. People don't just hand out compliments for the heck of it. They mean those words! Just think, honestly, how hard is it for you to give someone a compliment? Even a friend? What about someone of the opposite gender? It's difficult for most.

So when someone gives you a compliment listen up. They aren't lying. Push back those voices, let the compliment kill off some of the monsters.

The only thing holding you back from achieving your greatness and fate is yourself. And if you say you can't, or if you don't have time to put all this effort into changing your mindset, you're lying. There's a difference between not having time and choosing not to do it. So what are you waiting for? Achieve your greatness!

Remember from my Mission Statement that Christopher Columbus quote? If not, go read that post.

I'm glad I finally got some post out. It makes me happy to write about these. Let out my inner writer and poet.

Anyway, stay strong. You're beautiful, everyone that's reading this.

Ahh leave a comment on here. Even if you email me or chat me that you liked my blog post, I would really like some feedback on here!! But I guess any feedback is better than none ehehe. >w<

- Holli

Dear Diary,

It's getting harder to smile.

I've had my fill with sinking..

My Mission Statement

Live life to the fullest.

Be brave.

Speak up.

Never give up.

“You can never cross an ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Christopher Columbus

“Never give up trying to do what you want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, you cannot go wrong.” – Anonymous

“Before you talk, listen. Before you react, think. Before you criticize, wait. Before you quit, try. ” – Anonymous

“You’re time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinion drown out your own voice. And most important, have the courage to follow you’re heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. - Steve Jobs

“For every time that, they want to count you out.. Use your voice, every single time, you open up your mouth. Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, every time that you lose it, sing it for the world! Sing it from the heart, sing it ’til you’re nuts, sing it out for the ones that’ll hate your guts! Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind, sing about everyone that you left behind. Sing it for the world, sing it for the world.” – My Chemical Romance

These quotes explain my beliefs and ideals. The first one is rather motivating to me, for I’m someone who always likes to take the ‘safe’ route. I haven’t taken many risks in my life. This quote tells others to get out of their comfort zone, for that’s how you reach your goals. Growing up I’ve heard many stories from my parents about how all they wanted was for me and my brother to grow up with more opportunities than they had, and for us to become more successful. They had always wanted me to get a high-paying job, but when I asked them the question: “What if I have a medium paying job, but I like the job? Is that better than a high paying job that I don’t like?” They responded with something similar to this quote. They told me to never give up what I wanted to do, because if I really wanted to do it, I would find a way. The next quote is something I like to use daily, for in this day and time, people often make silly mistakes by being a reactive person. Lashing out and hurting others, most of the time without realizing it. I strongly believe all of these, especially the last part. ‘Before you quit, try.’  I used to be a person who, if things weren’t going well, I would give up. I had many bright ideas, but I never took action with them, because I didn’t think I was good enough- or that I would fail in the end. The fourth quote, which was said by Steve Jobs, is something that I would’ve gone back and told my younger self. When I was younger, I was always a follower, willing to do what someone said. I might have had better ideas, or contradicting opinions, but I never spoke up. Even when I did, I let people talk over me. People’s opinions were better than mine. But my mom told me last year that I should believe in my own opinions. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? I didn’t want my life to be controlled by someone else’s, and because of that, I felt a lot stronger. Sure, some people don’t like others with strong opinions. But another quote by Winston Churchill has said makes me believe that this is okay. The quote is: “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” The final quote is from a band called My Chemical Romance. This song is basically about how you should stand up for yourself, and not to let others talk over you. Like I said above, I always let people talk over me when I was younger, but this is bad. Your opinions are just as important as others, and therefore you have to speak up about them.

My mission statement, in a conclusion is to live life to the fullest. Be brave and follow your heart, and not be afraid to take risks. I will speak up about the things I believe in. I’m going to get here by remembering these. I won’t give up, and I’ll finish everything I start. I won’t be afraid to start a project because I’m not afraid to take risks. I’ll live life the best I can by following my heart. In the end, it’s not how many breaths you take.. It’s how many moments take your breath away.